Starting A New |iFe

2008-12-08T20:51:00.002+08:00

Damn~~

Miss

MY~~

>.<

2008-12-08T17:44:00.005+08:00

it a long break man

Shiok.. it was a good week, where there is just no work n slack is the only word we can use.. hahaha.. dun feel like working le. just wanna rest man.. but no choice life goes on have to get back to work tml. >.<

It was a long weekend for us man, suppose to meet her on friday but end up she is not free n i went out with my frenz. gd bye xinle, raynor must be kind of SAD tat she flew to TW.. lolx.. i seriously wonder did she lie or she just making up story so tat i will not get affected by it, she told me she is meeting a female, but at up i saw her at cine lersure with a grp of guys frenz. savvy? who to believe? ha. anyway did manage to pass her the stuff which i bought. lucky it was b4 her flight, well i believe if she believe in it, it will help her. kekekeke. Bolt was a damn nice show man, ha, damn cute man the DOG, hamster n CAT. haha..

SAT~~~ oh man, simply doing nothing man, it being a long time since i last met pat.. got 1 year plus since we last slack at the house watching Mi3? lolx. dun get the wrong idea, my pat is patrick. one smart ass but is a pamper bitch man. haha. spent the whole sat with him man, it being ages since i last went to parkway manm we settle down with a BK plus coffee beam. ha. we reason got a lot of crap n story to talk man. ha. The weather was gd for slacking n not doing anything. suppose to drink but we end up nv.ha

Ytd was Hui ting bday, went to BB to celebrate for her. well i guess she dun no3 tat i m MY broke up already n she told her parent tat actually i m still MY bf.. ha basically everybody over there was thinking the same 2, but we r not. everybody around me keep asking me is she my gf? i just have to keep saying NO NO NO we broke up. then they will tell me, hey buddy u 2 look damn close together u sure u not tgt? wat happen to u guys? any chance of patching up? seriously i have no idea of it, neither do i have the ans for it. dun ask mi this kind of thing, really. i wonder how many time i have ans. after the dinner we end up at geographer. some thai pub. lolx. end up looking at pple get drank n ensuring the rest r okie.. with my half deaf ear. it kind of sucky man.. ha

GIRL. i really wonder wat r u thinking n doing? i m actually kind of worried for u man. ytd seening u like tat, i have nothing much to say but saw u inside the cab so cold, u r like a child. all i can do is just rub your small pum, n trying to keep u warm. i m curious to ask u lots of stuff but silent is wat u gonna give me. should i really bother about u? i dunnoe man. it just something inside me tat keep me goin, i really wonder wat is tat. but i guess i see thru it on friday, where i feel tat u r lying about meeting your "girl"frenz. thanx for making me believe it. Anyway just take care of yourself man, u wanna have fun go ahead. if tat the way u wan thing to be.. well, i believe u will start to slowly think about the sms i sent u.... tc denz......... i just feel there is someone out there for ya, if not u will not be so secreative.

2008-11-15T11:46:00.003+08:00

Work work

shag man.. everyday just so bz, dun even have the time to think of wat to do or plan for weekend.. haiz.. sad.. being wondering around for quiet a long time, felt it was stupid to do thing tat has i can dun do, just wanna take a break man. pOhooo~~

wat can i do or wat should i do nxt time? hmmmm study? feel like but can i get in? i not sure man. frenz around me r planning to further study but i m still lost in the ocean~~

was thinking wat went wrong or it is a good thing tat both of us broke up. i really have no time in weekdays neither is she on weekend. well thing r pretty much diff compare to last time, there is no longer i wait for u or u wait for me, all seem to be by itself. the future that we seem to pursue is no longer there, both hv diff mind set n goals. i won't say tat life without her is not as colourful as b4, but somehow another it seem much quiet. too used to some1 around me complaining about work, herself etc etc etc. lolx. well life goes on, she like wat she is doing now n is happy with it, so i guess it best not to bother so much as b4. When i know she is sick or injury, somehow another i would wish to just take care of her for that moment, after which i will just leave, someone else will take care of her, i just feel so. ha. i question n ask myself thing which i could not ans, it is better this way? after working n building this r/s for so long, it just ended up with a word tat break the chain. it is worth it? i tot thing r goin smooth n it would go on n on. so how another i knew this will happen when i make the decision, we cannot be so selfish in life, many of us would wanna do thing which they may not be able to do so in the future, so y not just support them? i deeply appreciated the thing tat she supported me, mentally n emotionally, to who i m now. i m sorry to say this, but i hope she really go n think of wat she wan n wake up her idea, not for me but for her ownself. Christmas is coming!!!!! wOoOOhOooo... LONG BREAK!!! i guess i would just leave thing as it is......

2008-09-27T09:29:00.003+08:00

Shag!!!

it being 7 days, ytd was the last day of the wake, people come people go.wat can i say? god bless u great grandma.

the pain seem to be worst, uncle keep reminding me to see a doc, hmmmm i just wanna know wat wrong with it, n hopefully it can be cure, but i doubt so la, it will take a long long long time man.. lolx.. it is irritating.. it come n goes when ever it one.. Z_z

Grandpa is a joker man, out of the sudden he gave me a tap n console me, >.<>

i am confuse how thing work, i dun get the idea of why will it be this way, this time it seem different. Disappointment is thing only word i could discribe.

2008-09-24T10:15:00.004+08:00

Fairwell Brunei!!

FINALLY, i am back from brunei trip, no longer gonna be there for anything. hahaha. hmm suppose to be back on the 28th but due to some family matter, i have to flew back earlier to attend the wake. Wat a month, wat a day, wat an hour man. too many thing just happen in 1 go, personal stuff, family, r/s. WHOoooo sux man. Really cannot make up my mind man. Trying to focus on thing tat i wanna do, being thinking alot lately, why must always thing happen den i start to think? would'nt it be too late? lolx..

trying to get used to my new lifestyle man, it just a matter of time to get used to it i guess. kind of confuse with the action that she is doing, is tat wat she really wan? what do i wan? i still cannot get a ans out of it, but i do know i have thing to focus on, still thinking of wat to do. ha. i know it will happen when i go to brunei, cause it 3 week off, anything can happen, kind of prepare for it. So what the nxt plan?

2008-09-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

~~Brunei~~

It another flight sydrome again, best of all, this time is 2.. haiz. really dun wish to go man, but look, do i have a choice not to? i dun man. not at all. i just could only bear with it. the pain n suffering we goin thru agaiN? haiz. really hate it man. AR!!!! lolx..

Well nxt of all is between us man, haiz, dunnoe wat went wrong n wats wrong with us. hmmm has being wondering 2 man. goin to just leave thing behind. is not tat good man. tc

nice song

ALL OUT OF LOVE

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone

Thinking of you till it hurts

I know you hurt too but what else can we do

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile and my heart

For times when my life feels so low

It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you

I know you were right believing for so long

I 'm all out of love, what am I without you

I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home

Away from this long lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too

Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now

And said that I can't hold on

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day

Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Chorus

Oh, what are you thinking of?

What are you thinking of?

Oh, what are you thinking of?

What are you thinking of?

2008-08-29T00:09:00.003+08:00

A story

There was this farmer, planted a seeds 8 months ago, before he planted, he knew he was taking a risk out of it, cause he don't what gonna happen if he fail. He then decided to take the risk, as the result wasn't that good, so he spend 8 month, watering, showering care and talking to this plant. 8 month later, this tiny seed start to grow, the farmer was so happy that he cried, he could not believe what he saw. As times goes by, this tree start to bloom, everything start to fall in place, flowers, fruits and it became so beautiful, it was almost perfect, but..... nothing in the world is perfect. One year has passed, the farmer started to be lazy, he hardy water, show less care to this little tree, he found something more interesting outside then just showing some love to this tree. eventually, the tree start to die off, little did he realise n soon he lost interest out of it. one day, as he was looking back at this tree, he start to think n wonder. what does he really wan? why has this tree become this state?? is he gonna do anything about it? he took so much effort to grow this tree, n it just took him a few week to shake it off from it.

Conclusion? nobody knows~ Don't just becasue of certain n neglect the thing u have build. think n look back at it. if not, it will be too late.. Tc

2008-08-25T18:54:00.002+08:00

WASTE MONEY!!!!!

Thanx to my godfather, i just wasted 500 buck on Samsung Omnia, i wanted to buy but think of it is kind of wasting my money, end up, he got it for me, but still i pay him back knowing that his pay is not tat much after all. This month dunnoe wat to do man.

hmmm, wat can i say about us? i have nothing much to say man, thing change so quickly till the extend i also dunnoe wat to do, should i say something? or should i not say? i m not sure too. maybe we should just leave thing as it is, n let fate slowly decided. it is cause of her job tat why she become like tat? her attp? her char? hmmm i have no idea man. it seem like history is repeating? ha. Maybe it is better to not know. Perhaps, just let thing be as it is, let nature take it course. Maybe it time to think for myself n not others anymore.

2008-08-17T19:22:00.006+08:00

~~Sunday morning rain is coming~~

wOhooo ytd had a BBQ with my Ocs frenz, ha, got so much to talk man n so much shit to say.haha all of us are complaining and backstabing all. but we know we are joking.. ha. oh man. i m kind of sad with this issue man, brandon is leaving the coy n goin to change to admin, this is due to his injuries,haiz nobody to complain when field camp, nobody to talk cock with man, feel kind of low to hear tat news but we have to face the fact tat he has to recover man.

This week is kind of special man, 3 noisy women is not at home. IT the MANS nite. wahahaha, First Is MY ( number 1 noisy n sticky), nobody to complaint too, talk to, disturb, n nag too.. lolx

second is MUMMY ( Number 2 naggy), nobody to fight with, always disturb her. ha

thirD my sis ( number 3 NAGGY) lolx. hardy see her also la. haiz..

so this week end is kind of boring but tiring man, went to help chu pi to sell veg, wanted to go starhub shop to buy phone, thinking of wat to buy, HmMM Omnia? HTC DIAMOND? heart pain man have to buy 500 like tat even i have voucher.ha. maybe i should get a cheap phone man. So hard to decided man.ha

Goin field camp man, wonder how is it man. heard will be damn shag. ha. is there something wrong with us? or m i thinking too much n being trouble too much. something just keep bothering me this few days? not sure also man. are thing really tat bad or m i just assuming it. hmmm i oversea certain thing, every1 has the good side in them, all of us does not see it till we lose it or somebody tell us, we often forget thing n neglect thing around us, it is always due to the bz work we have, ha. Only once u lose it den u will wan it back. It a long way, it a long jouney. ha.maybe i just need more attention from u.thanx

2008-08-11T00:04:00.004+08:00

Sunday Night!

Shiok, dun need to be back on sunday night, but feel like of bored man, nxt day still have to go back. haiz. sianz. Oh, she just flew today, coming back in the morning, can't see her for the whole of this week n nxt week, ha. boRED. Mummy is flying too~~ Oh man, this weekend it gonna be a GUYS night, it gonna be a boring Week. the feeling is not right, the same old feeling has come back. really not used to see her not around man, really understand how she feel last time when i m overseas man. ha. Hmmm it kind of unfair for me to complain so much. ha

Anyway it getting late, dun wish to blog much. Just have to wait for u to come back~~ Why do i feel kind of sad? hurt? pain? when u fly? Maybe it just me.. lolx Miss u MY

2008-07-14T15:09:00.003+08:00

Confuse!

Apparently, i dunnoe wat to do or wat to say. i dunnoe wat should i do or what can be done? Went to see a sport doc today, he does not seem to be interested nor anything, i told him about my injury n he question me back with Y u got so many probleM? Z_z X-ray show tat nothing is wrong with me. is it a psychology problem? or m i sick n tired of the thing i m doing tat i wanna quit? or is there any problem with it? i really dunnoe, frenz who has the same problem as me advice me to go for other specialist to do a bone scan. Z_z
There seem to be a few Factor that is stopping me from doing it, 1 of it is i dun really which to leave the people around me, 2 is the people under me. AR!!!! really confuse man. Afraid to face the truth? Afraid wat others may think? it being bothering me for months, is there really a problem or m i just giving an excuse to get out of thing n relax for the nxt 10month? i really dunnoe. how m i goin to tell him? will he think tat actually i m just pushing my stuff away? which i normally dun.

can some1 advice mE?

I m tired.
maybe i need a break. a long 1?
but i cannot afford to do so!
It is due to the responsibility i have...

M i all out for it?

or should i just dun bother about it...

Time is something both of us dun have, just hope thing turn out well. it all up to individual to handle thing. Just simply hope nothing goes wrong. =)

2008-07-06T15:59:00.005+08:00

Sunday Morning

Time fly man, another week have past. It seem to be a long time since i last met her, here we go, today she flew again, when will be able to met agaiN? It just feel kind of weird when she flew, although i know she will be back, but still it just kind of feel weird ba. Knowing that her job

, still, i kind of miss her, maybe cause i m a little emo. lolx. wanted to type lots of stuff, but suddenly no mood to do so. We do have plan for our future, just hoping it will work out

n thing will turn out better as time goes by. Both really dun have much time for 1

another, her work time n my is totally ops. lolx. Well, all i can say is both just

have to wait for the time.. It took us long to get used to the thing we

have. This pic is taken at taiwan, lolx, it like during feb? Happen

to met her over there while i was having my rar. We did

not plan it. she went there for her holiday. hee

Well, there all folks, nothing much to say,

she will be back tonight. wee. just

like to say a few words. Dear

I really love you

Tc.

2008-06-18T16:17:00.002+08:00

BACK!!

Finally out of the place~ WOoOo.. Back to square 1 again. haiz, train train train.. wat kind i say about the life i have? hmmm, sometime i just wonder, should i sign it? or should i not? looking at the development of it, it seem to be a better choice to do so. But time is something which is lacking. haiz. There are pro n con in the thing which i wan to do. Nvm, let not talk about it. sensitive issue.

Suppose to write this blog during our 1st year ani, lolx, but do not have the time to do so. lolx. so i end up writing now. hee. 1 year has passed, and our r/s still stay strong, thing are falling in place. Just wanna thanx her for couple of thing, thanx for waiting for me all this while, although u still have to wait 1 more year. ha. there are a couple of thing i wish to write n talk about but it just out of the sudden i dun have the mood to write. so i ended here. lolx. TC will be back sooOn

2008-03-16T14:07:00.003+08:00

BaCk!!!

it being a long time since i last wrote an entry, ha.. this hour this time i m struck in camp, haha RCP man.. heard b4? nv rite? Dun really wanna talk about it..

3week of home sick, just got back from TW, n soon to another country. N best part i think i can only spent 1-2days with my family n lover 1. Z_z wat can i say or conclued about this. I think they dun seem to fight for your thing, their style of doing is so damn diff lor, fight for your men? ha.. did they? no way.. ha.

MIss home, miss her, miss my mum...

Personally i felt sorry for my gf, ever since i enter, she has being waiting n waiting for me, every saturday or sunday. Most of the time i book out late, or sometime just got a few hr to accompany her n et she did not complaint or anything, she just keep motivating me n ask me to move on. i felt touch, everytime i m gone, it like 1 week to 3 weeks, den she just have to wait again. Do i really like wat i m doin? Not really, i just wanna have my time. wanna work n quicky do my stuff.. haha.. i would like to say thanx to her, Really love her..

2007-10-13T09:43:00.000+08:00

*Blank*

hA dun really know wat to type, wanted to type alot of thing, but somehow it seem blank now. ha. as usual training get tougher, lesser slp, shag, stress. goin taiwan soon, like 1 month more. wonder how is it gonna be. ha. kind of used to this kind of life, but still dun really like it man. ha.

guess by now, everybody seem to hate me. cause of thing i do. cause there is many reason n thousand of thing. My life, always not so peaceful, it seem to be getting down n down, ha, every since i got into secondary sch, looking back at it, i seem to be creating alot of trouble, trouble which i could avoid but nvtheless i choose to walk it cause of this kind of action, i got a bad impression and testimonial from pple. n this thing still continue even till now. come n think about it, it was kind of stupid, the action tat i do, last forever. Sorry. Sorry cannot bring anything back nor can it save a thing. We nv learn to cherish thing till its lost, till the thing u find it the most impt, but it is alway too late to do so.

Time files, i feel i m old already, must plan ahead of the thing u do, but as for now, i only have 2 wish, one is to complete the course, the other 1 is.......

Anyway thing r really over, i have decided my path n know where i m heading, it just left with time to fulfil it. What ever the cost is, i will face it.

2007-09-01T01:52:00.000+08:00

FULL!!

Oh man, guess i eat too full man, mum brought back desert and it is peanut soup with 6 peanut balls. The min i wanna slp, i feel like puking, even for now. Z_z TIRED, shag, Z_z.

Who fault is it?
Who to blame?
Who to accuse?
I guess i can see the ans?
It me. Lolx.

2007-08-05T16:42:00.001+08:00

No comments.

My second book out, kind of shag man. Training was tired, beside tat, something seem to be bothering me for the past few weeks. after hearing tat new, i m still in shock. wondering wat to do with it n how to deal with it. i still cannot get a ans to it. But i guess the ans is pretty clear, cause the line has being show. if i say i regret, i guess nobody will believe, if i say if i know earlier thing will be better, no 1 will understand. i went to bugis to pray and asked for an ans, cause i m totally lost n fustrated over it. i still cannot believe it, i was wondering wat can i do. i seem to have an ans when i went for the prayers. wat can i say? Just have to blame it on yourself, i guess i learn i big lesson from this. hope thing turn out well, hope everything is fine, hope u r alright, guess hate is the only thing felt behind u. Sorry,i guess u will never accept it. It is still stuck in my head, i need to talk to some1 who i really can seek for an ans. but i guess i can't. wat left for me to say, where fingers r pointing at me.

Wat will my life be? it will constantly remind me. Anyway tc. All the respect r gone. i dun even dare to stand up.

It say (*dun think so much, things will smoother out slowly, it take time for thing to happen*)

2007-06-18T15:59:00.000+08:00

mOnDay bLUe~~

Suppose to meet Grandpa around 10am at novena mrt, so that he can go for this lung check up at tan tock seng, but he end up calling me at 9am telling me he reach already, Oh man, i was still on my bed, slacking.. ha. In the end i have to rush there, lucky my 3rd auntie was there together with chloe.ha. It was a long check up man, had to see the doctor, follow by Xray, den see doctor, den pay, den get med, den get injection. Oh my oh my, most of the time wasted over there is by Queuing up.. ha.. Today was kind of X man.. Of cos his lung does not have much problem but he still need to take med to stablize his breathing. I lie to him, ha, cause i dun wish him to keep saying expensive.haha.. hope i did the right thing.

Was suppose to work on sunday, but i was too sick to do anything ma. ha was slacking at home the whole day, watching ocean 12, had a game with liangster, n tv (S.W.A.T) again. just wanna relax man. it being a long time ever since i last done this. was working 24/7. i realise i didn't catch up with alot of buddy, my work seem to be taking over..ha. Sry pple, i m really damn bz, i could not take off, n i do need the money=)

Many thing just keep floating in my head, damn!! why must 1 sick then such a tot start floating to u. Was thinking hw thing is goin on, why like this, why like tat? why so many why? why such tot r still coming. NEgative stuff. distroying my tot...

This MTV seem sad man, n the song is nice. Oh man~~

That all folks!!!

2007-06-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

This is COol... Lolx
StylO man he...
U have to Press Stop first b4 u can watch this video..
NIcE =)~~

2007-06-14T13:04:00.000+08:00

Money!!!!!!!

oh MAN, bIll bilL Bill.. lolx. Recently keep bringing grandpa go tan tock seng for regular check up, good news ( his blood is getting better den b4), bad news ( his lung seem to have problem n he have to take tabuhaler) Z_z.. on the 18 june, need to take another off for him, to go for his lung check up, something new, which i pray the result to be positive man.. I dun wish anything to happen on him. i know he is old. Although it kind of expensive, but i guess i m still able to support him.

WoOOhoo. there seem to be alot of thing to type today.. IT MY OFF DAY.. but it kind of fuck up when u r having your off day, your boss seem to call u n ask u come back to work from4pm to 11pm. dUh u think it damn shiT? but it okie, i turn down the offer man.. hee hee... actually the job there abit dumb prove la. it the pple there, tat is nice man. ha. Oh... ha. kind of funny man, but i guess pple will get mistaken if i say this, But there is nothing between us, just pure frenz.
There is this girl, name Nisa (a malay 1 indeed) she is getting married like this december? yeah, same age as me, but getting married man. coOL. ha. Oh ya, some time i just wonder r they twin or wat? Their charactor, behaviour, they way they demand for things, they way the talk, seem like the same, of cos, i dun have a crash on her neither do i fall for her. She just like a photocopy of rach. tat all i can say. Okie, i do help her a number of time, pasting stickers, release shipment, n printing the stickers. so i n my frenz (yusoff) disturb her, wah lau we keep helping u, den u give us nothing, so she promise to buy us cake as a return. lolx. n She seem to forgot about it, so both of us shoot her back. N i guess she felt kind of guilty, haha. But sad news, yusoff quitted n left for a better job. In the end, she really bought a cake, not those 1 piece or wat, it is a 1/2 kg cake from CHOCZ. oh man, it seem expensive, she make me feel so bloody guilty now. i did not expect her to buy such a cake, every1 in the office was like, wah, serious not? so i treat every1 the cake n they start questioning me. Z_z... I assume the cake got 40 - 50 dollar. I dunnoe wat to get her in return. Ha.. Beleive or not, there is nothing between us. hA

Oh. Riwei is goin to commando camp tml. haha, i wonder hows life gonna be, i asked him to update me. so tat when i enter, at least i no3 wat goin on man. 1 more month to go. n IT WILL BE MY TURN..lolx. should i be happY? sad? i dunnoe wat i feeling also. dun even no3 wat inside my head. I wish I wish I wish to get the maroon barret... Haha..

Suddenly alot of tot flashing on my mind... wat will it be like? after 2 years? during this 2 years?

I am Happy that u r happy. okie tat all...

2007-06-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

Contradicting

Ha...1 more month... JULY 13.. goin in.. Botak.. ha.. guess all my frenz n sch mate r goin in 2.. ha.. Guess everything is fine. Although there is surely alot of gossiping around. who is right who is wrong? who knows? nobody, except ourselve. It just whether pple wanna accept it or not... What the point of bad mouthing pple, when u only heard a side, hAhA. tat human n our life. cause we all being there n done tat.. ha.. I wish... I could say sry to him... I wish i could say thing 2...HA tc...

2007-05-19T08:57:00.000+08:00

Damn myself!!!

I guess i m not mature enough to make any decision, i dun seem to be able to do so. i dunnoe why, izzit cause i dun wan? or cause i dun feel like it? i seriously dunnoe, izzit cause i goin army to the extend tat i give up r/s? my days r number, n my mind it just, how to survive... As for other thing, it just come n go...

4 the past 8month, some1 is there taking care of me, doing thing which is so hard to be truth, but u have to see it with your own eyes den u will know, i nv believe there is some1 doing this, till the extend maybe she is forcing herself to do so ba. i have disappointed n hurt her again n again. but she seem to hold on again, till the extend she gave up... which she has... i dun really which to talk about it...

It time to think...
Sry MY...

2007-04-18T22:25:00.000+08:00

Tuesday

It was so tiring after work, but nevertheless i went to meet 1 of my CIE bro for dinner. RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. I was early, so i waited for him at city hall, but guess who i saw? wahahaha.. Zhi hao n Diana.. hmm gd to see them still together.ha..

Stopped for a couple of months, but early in the morning, there is just the urge for me to smoke, so i bought a pack, n it does feel good after smoking, dunnoe y, i guess it just psychology part only. ha

had a 1 on 1 talk with rain, n it make me feel alot better, but it somehow another feel the same 2. ha. but it is definately better den b4. he did give a few suggestion. he did tell me his point of view. so many thing happen, i seriously just wonder wat i really wan. it is not i dunnoe u, it more like we hardy talk le. more like there r so many thing nv say. more like there is so many thing undone, more like we just say, rather den do thing. ha...

Anyway... Rain, thanx... i guess it still the same.ha.

2007-04-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

Routine of my Life

Everyday is the same to me. Monday to Sunday. Work work work. From monday, i start work at 8am n end work at 8pm. After which, either i go for my dinner alone or with mum. if not i will jolly well go hm n rest. Nxt day is the same. Ha. Den it come to saturday, the best part, they pay u $12/hr, simply just sit down n wait n wait n wait... till 3pm u may leave, or even later... ha. after which, thing nv change, i went home n rest. THE END. Sunday, hmm same as saturday 2.haha..

I dunnoe u r reading my blog not, if u r... i m happy... suddenly i just lost of words n thing tat i wish to type, I still no3 who u r, n wat kind of thing u expect... it just....nvm. i dun wish to just type here. i rather talk it out infront of u. but i guess the chances of it is like 0.1%. ha.

feel like typing alot

but

i dunnoe how to say

so i guess

Silent will do the job

2007-04-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

It being a long time...

Owww man...

When was the last time i smokE?
I feel like smoking again!

Due to the fact tat...

So many thing is happening...

I dunnoe wat to do...

where should i head...

wat m i suppose to do...

I wish tat 1 stick will wake up my idea...

I do need advice...

I do need help...

I do need to know thing...

But...

i m really confuseD...
So many thing have change...

Tat include me...

Time fly...

To the extend tat...

It has being...

7th month...

To the extend tat...

I hate myself...

Life goes on...

Sometime...

I just wish to...

......

2007-03-15T18:47:00.000+08:00

Day 3
The EYE.

sad to say, my left eye is back to square 1. I cut my cornea when i was helping my mum to clean her office 1 - 2month agao. n all along i tot it recover ever since it is not red. Little did i expect it to happen to me again on tuesday morning. Well, when to see the small doctor, he told me 1 was 2 out of 10 of those patient tat actually have to go thru a second treatment. How lucky can 1 be? Nvm it okie. He told me 2 option, 1 is either i apply the medicine for 3 month ( if i nv stop half way i will recover), 2 is i go for a lazer treatment to remove the cornea tat was being cut. It freaking pain man, u can see RED vains around your eye ball, eye so small. u will be afraid of sunshine cause it hurts more den anything. It like dripping tap, dunnoe y got so much to drip. When will it recover? 2 days? 2 week? 2 month? zzzzz i hate this man, i tot i experiences once, now i m having it again. Z_z. the best thing, u gotta wear sunglasses at home. k caoZ enough of complant.

2007-03-13T13:09:00.000+08:00

EYE

It damn PAIN...

It come back again...

Z_z...

When will it recover...

Out of the sudden...

It just feel so pain...

Tears keep flowing down...

It like dripping water...

oh my...

It turn red again...

So hard to concentrate...

Haiz...

It even more painful when u blink...

2007-03-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

I can't stop

Cannot stop thinking... WHy? i dunnoe y. i just keep thinking n thinking.. i m not getting the ans. i dunnoe y it has being 6month. y does it feel the same as b4? y izzit so many y tat i could not ans. y izzit tat i m the 1 in fault? y must thing turn out like tat? i wish there would be a better advice den just looking at 1 point of view. i m lost n confused. it so unfair. who will understand? nobody, even your close 1 will not understand. y cannot thing turn out nicely. y m i like tat? i hate myself.. really i do.. it make me feel the casue r all done by me.

2007-02-24T09:32:00.000+08:00

Let Fate Decide!!!

Ha, it been a long time since i blog, too many thing has happen, i dunnoe how to say nor how to explain, me myself is still confused 2. Anyway just feel like posting this topic.

Yesteday, i woke up at 5.30am, get ready, took my breakfast, had a coffee, n went to the toilet, den i head down to pasir ris, where i have to report there at 8am. It was an army interview tat i had to go thru, n guess wat it is commando interview,hA. Anyway the test we go thru r dumb la, but wat make me wonder is the interview, here how it goes!

Officer - Oh so u fail NAFA?

Me - Ya i fail, cause of 2.4km

Officer- I see, r u a bio study?

Me - No

Officer - i guess i dun need to go thru the rest of the paper. =) so currently wat r u doing?

Me - (confused, the rest of the paper y dun need to go thru? it is not related to bio.) me? doing? finding for jobs!

Officer - Boi , go train your runnning, dun find job, train first.

Me - But find job got money, train can later.

Officer - do u no3 u goin to the army. n for your infor, if u fail running to gonna stay back do extra.

Me - confused!, ya i no3 tat, i will train when i have the time.

Officer - okie, any chest pain? breathing probleM?

Me - no no.

This is where i HATE n confused.

Officer - Be prepare, better go run k?, be prepare!

Me - huh? prepare for wat?

Officer - just be prepare!

Okie this is kind of shitty, i asked around n they got chance to ans do u wanna be a commando, but i dun seem to have a chance to ans tat question, he basically nv ask me. lolx. tat y i say let fate decided. nvm. To be or not to be is okie with me. It does not mean u go in, u can get the red barret. ha. i will update more when i have the mood too. ha. cya pple, tc

2006-12-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

FATIGUED!

Oh my

It was a phenomenon week

Seem so jaded

Bits and pieces of it r just floating in my mind

Thinking of which....

However

It will be tacit!

Yawnz.

Nite!

2006-12-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

Blame yourself!

Something just strike me just as i was about to fall asleep, 1 frenz of pmed me n voice out stuff tat was suppose to be clear right from the start. Ha, maybe i have done too many bad thing n pple tend to keep draggin the past out 1by1. Looking at your fault n pin u down, making sure u realise your mistake b4 u make any further steps. I dun get it, i seriously dun get why also, i just dunnoe how to express it out now.

For sure i will not blame them for thinking tat way or talk about me, cause the root of the fault is in me. But can we dun assume thing b4 hearing it from the person itself? I kind of had a ugly past tat i brought myself up to today. Feeling come feeling go, we r all human. It was kind of depressing when u see pple around u leave 1 by 1, even the closers tend to turn away. Maybe pple have give me a chance after a chance, but i dun seem to notice it or should i say i take it for granted. Nobody will speak directly to u n tell u your mistake, they will just shot it around n more pple will no3, den every1 will have a diff kind of mentality toward u. It seem tat i m always the 1 in fault (which i gotta agree at times). Time seem to draw a distance away from me to them. Morning was kind of shitty when u receive a reply from a bro of yours, ( u dun have to know n mind your own bussiness, cause i nv step into your bussiness) *there maybe some words tat i miss or added.

Sry for the thing tat i done, cause watever i do dun seem to be able to fix it. U may think, cherish, care n concern dun seem to appear in my mind, but all i can say u r wrong. What has happen has already happen, there is no turning point to it, but there is a learning point tat we can go thru, although it may seem tat i dun seem to do it. I m just not decisive enough. I m still me. i feel there is a drift it in, hope thing r better if u happen to read this or properly call me up n talk about it rather den just leave thing unsaid n the outcome will be worst. Thanx. i know u care......

2006-12-10T13:05:00.000+08:00

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2006-12-04T01:14:00.000+08:00

One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart

Are mending on the shelf

I saw you holding hands

Standing close to someone else

Now I sit all alone

Wishing all my feelings was gone

I gave my best to you

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

[Chorus:]

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind this time

Stop living a lie

I guess I'm down to my last cry

Cry.....

I was here

You were there

Guess we never could agree

While the sun shines on you

I need some love to rain on me

Still I sit all alone

Wishing all my feelings was gone

Gotta get over you

Nothing for me to do

But have one last cry

[Chorus:]

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time

Stop living a lie

[Bridge:]

I know I gotta be strong

Cause round me life goes on and on

And on ....And on ....

[Chorus:]

One last cry

Before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind

For the very last time

Been living a lie

I guess I'm down,

I guess I'm down...

To my last cry...

2006-11-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

Thanx 4 the comment bro.

Somehow another i just feel so stuck at certain thing, whether should i move forward or just remain as it is. I question myself, i know it is stupid to say this, cause i waiting for the other side to move forward den i will, some pple will say (get a life man, its your life, y do u have to be like tat), well others may ask ( u sure u wanna do taT? watever make u happy man, i will be there for u). Negative n positive thought keep appearing in my mind. It gonna be 3 month, did i move on? i dunnoe, m i happy with thing tat i m having now? (Yes n no, i dunnoe, i just wan ans, i dun wan question after question or even worst, no reply nor dunnoe wat to say or even coldness.) Can i live without it? Can i just simply ignore it den the end of the day regret for not doing thing tat i always wanted to do or say? Should we be back again? thing will be diff, thing may change, thing may even be better den b4, it maybe worst also. We r so unsure of the ans, maybe it just us tat is afraid to make the move ba. Conversation seem shorter in sms but not in real life, is it so much diff? Have u change or have i change? haiz,maybe i m thinking too much, i m so contradicting. maybe i still cannot get over it, cause i still dun believe it. Maybe i just need a wall to talk to when i m down ba. nitez.
Move on??? -.-!

2006-11-19T12:33:00.000+08:00

The call!

Was talking to a frenz of my today, i feel kind of bad letting him know thing n end up having him to had bad day. sry dude. We share our problem n nv come out with any solution at all. ha! He suddenly come n ask me this question (r u still holding on? u can tahan huh?) which kept me thinking n i dun really no3 how to ans him, but i guess he feel wat i felt 2. I dunnoe why, but somehow another i feel hurt when i see his blog n the link, i felt the OUCH in me which strike me to relate to someone. ARH! today he seem moody now it seem tat i m moody 2.lolx certain thing just flashblack, zzzz, somehow i wish i could hear stuff rather den kept in suspend. At time it seem so nice, at time it seem so cold, at time when u wan some 1 to be there but u r afraid to ask, afraid to get rejected, afraid to do it cause u no3 u only stand a small percentage of having it rather den a YES. But u no3 at the end of the day, it will be just a temporary thing. It being quite awhile, i stopped at time n ask myself thing i really wan for my own future, the more think the more i feel it seem so hard, do i wan a simple lifestyle? or a diff kind. But when this question strike me, it somehow link me to her, maybe it cause we always shop at furniture n planned stuff tat we wish to have, well most of the thing is she plan de, ha! cause i quite like the style 2. Somehow another i just feel tat i m lost again. dunnoe y this feeling flew back to me. Is it because i m an emotional person? or is it i simply cannot forget thing? i dun wish to leave thing unsettle nor leave it unsaid, well maybe it is best not to speak anything at all, cause u nv no3 wat u say might hear the other party. I think i always do tat, pple around me always seem to get hurt by wat i say. ops sry. My other side of bro will ask me, nv post your emo bloG? lolx.. I guess blog r for pple to express their feeling be it a happy or sad one.

Sometime i dun even wish to bother about it, i just wanna avoid thing, but i dun seem to be like a person tat will avoid thing n just leave it unsaid, although i trying to do tat, it just feel weird man. Diff pple got diff way of expressing themselves, some keep it slience while others just a fuss out of it.

(It is unfair? have u ask yourself this question? do u feel better of this way? or maybe it just best to leave it n dun bother about it. Or even.......................................) i dunnoe, tat wat i always heard from guys which include myself..

2006-11-18T11:56:00.000+08:00

No offences! I maybe wrong.

After hearing much story about my frenz relationship, whether they r together or they broke up (including myself), i came to realise certain thing which kept me thinking n thinking. Girl n Guy have diff mind set of thinking for relationship, there seem to be a gap between us ( for our age).

The Guy Part!!!
Guys, we will always think tat wat they doing is right, we always tell the other how much effort we make, how hard we try to maintain this relationship where the other party just simply ignore u or throw temper at u, how we control their temper, how we always got scold for no reason or even how we try to make them happy but end up they r not at all. How much we love them ( n our head will start thinking whether the girls actually love us not), we always will think it is worth it for doing all this? N getting back this kind of treatment or no reaction at all. Question n question start to pop up no where when problem arrive, we will feel tat maybe she is asking for too much, maybe she dun love me at all, maybe i m not good enough for her ( but i did my best), maybe she have other pple in mind or is she taking thing for granted? Den we will start questioning ourselves, r all the girls like tat nowaday, wat can we do?
To be honest, this is only how we feel, we nv tot of putting ourselves in their shoes to think at time, we always assume thing n nv question them ( even if we question, some will not speak up). We always blame the other party n hardy look into our own fault, we always feel we done our best ( but come to think about it, is it everytime? or is it just a few time). When the girl break up with the guys, the guys will be the 1 crawling back asking for another chance n start to say sweet thing, ( most of the time tat does not help), we always say we will learn from our mistake when thing happen ( but only a few will do tat).

The Girl Part!!!
Girls, they will feel tat watever the guy is doing may not be thing they wan. Girl will keep almost everything to themselves n they will not share with their partner.But why do girls keep almost everything to themselves even though there’s no such thing as secret between each other in a relationship? Have you guys actually thought of that? It’s not about the trust issue here. It’s just that girls care too much about how will you guys feel upon hearing. Will he think that I don’t love him anymore? Will he think that I’m too much? Will he this will he that… blah blah blah… then in the end, girls ended up with this conclusion: some things are better off left unsaid. So things just keep bottling up in their hearts, day by day, when they finally couldn’t take it anymore, it always just ended up with a break up and not a discussion. And why? Because there are just too many things to say, that they don’t even feel like talking about it. Because once they bombard everything to the guys, the guys will just feel that she is just being unreasonable, she is just trying to find some excuses to break off.. blah blah this and that. Some times girls just want the simplest things that guys often neglect it. Girls will often look at the little things that you did for them. Like, for example, did the guy help you to order your food. Is he late for our date? (girls will be happier if you are early, just to wait for them. Can be easily noticed. They will always smile happily when they see you waiting for them earlier than the meeting time). When you praise them. sayang them. telling them about your day (I think most guys will like the look on their face when you tell her about your day. Where they will laugh with you, or share the troubles you faced with you). Girls do crawl back after break up, but most don’t. Because most will feel that, if you do love me, you wouldn’t have initial the break up. If it’s the girl that initial the break up, it will be, if you really love me, you’ll look for me. Ha? Girl just need to know 1 guy to understand the rest of the guys, but a guy may know every girl but can't even understand 1 of them.

So what the conclusion? U gotta figure out yourself, this is just my comment. =)

2006-11-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

Its Bothering ME!

To this frenz of my, I maybe wrong in wat i m typing now. I dunnoe wats wrong n wat when wrong, y do u have to show me this kind of attp? Something seem to be cock up this afternoon which i dun even no3 anything, maybe it is because i nv help much or maybe i m being too playful ba. Sry. To be honest with u, if u think i disclose any secret or any info about stuff tat we did talk, wat i can tell u is tat i nv say or speak to pple anything when they ask me stuff. I got no idea why do i always getting into this kind of cold attitude, if there is a lost of trust in me, i m sry, but wat i can tell is tat, i trusted u n will be there 4 u if u need help.

2006-11-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

U! =)

For my this young bro who is somehow another in the same shoes as i m, but it just tat my is still ( hanging? I dunnoe!). Well, wat i can tell u is Move on dude, i no3 it is easy to say n hard to do it. but u really have 2, cause at the end of the day, I m sry to say this ( u r the 1 getting hurt more den any1). Certain thing r within our limit, we can only just see n look at things only. Ns is coming, there will be a barrier between each other, wat i can say is only time can tell ba. Aiya actually got thing to say 1 but forgot le..lolx.. Anyway Tc, anything u can call me ba.. i dunnoe wat colour u like, so i just put this ba..lolx

2006-10-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

Thanx

pple thanx for spending the time to read all the emo crap i wrote for the pass 1 month n 2 weeks? lolx.. yeah.. I dun think i gonna post thing out already.. Yeah. I rather not say den say too many thing.. I find it no point, although there is reader out there.. thanx i appreciate tat alot man..hee.. Cya pple

One last Crapz
Cherish wat u have, appreciate thing tat pple do for u, even if u dun like it. Do wat u can, dun do wat u can't. Tones play a very important role in life, u nv no3 u will end up hurting pple with tat tone u give.

Love u pple, B4 u leave, finish hearing the song =)

2006-10-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

Saturday Nite

Happen to saw the 1 line face on saturday.

It just look like the picture showing here.

So happy to see it real life!

2006-10-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

For my frenz!

I read your blog n understand how u feel, the feeling u r having now seem to be like the feeling i had b4 n after i broke up.. it was kind of F up, but wat i can tell u is tat the truth do hurt. I know tat your relationship has last very long and there is definitely alot of memory holding u back now. Look on the bright side, there r better thing u can do dude. Sometime it is us (guys) who think too much le, maybe thing r not the way we think it is. It is not because we (guys) wonder around but it just tat the people around us seem to be doing such a thing tat lead us to tat way of thinking. The trust has to be there first b4 anything but just the trust itself is very hard thing to do when u feel something has happen. I know it maybe kind of stupid to be so commited now, i m not insulting u, but i m just stating the fact tat the people at our age will think tat way. haha. The problem may not just lie in her, maybe it is both of u? Dun get offered by my post. I m not an angel neither an devil. I m just speaking from my point of view.

An for my another frenz. Sry i m not able to ans u straight in front of u, cause i was kind of thinking of other thing when u told me about your story. It just somehow relate to me ba. What she is doing now maybe wrong, cause she may just treat him as a frenz rather den anything, maybe she does feel bad not replying BUT what she is doing may lead the guy to think 2. U r rite, she is leading him on. But u no3 wat? We maybe wrong. Truth r offen hurtful, sometime i rather u not no3 thing den no3 so much thing at 1 shot. Just bare with it now, n time will just review more ans toward your question. Whether u wanna hold back or give up, i can only advice u to hold on first b4 giving up. I dun wish to see u regret on your action cause it gonna affect alot of thing.. Yeah, think twice b4 u do thing.

Will be there for u pple.. Smile alwayz =)
Here is the song delicated for both of u.. ( West Life - What make a Man)

2006-10-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

Chubby Love Pink

Well Hope To See U Smile Back
Like U Used Too
Remember Smile!! =)
Tat What I Wan & Ask 4
Oh Yeah, Finish Listening To The Song B4 U Leave!
Kind Of Miss Ya Smile Manz!

2006-10-02T19:40:00.000+08:00

?

Maybe i have make up my choice, maybe i have not.. Me myself also dunnoe. There seem to be little words coming out from her, which make me dunnoe to think of wat. I have been thinking alot, thinking of stuff, why is she like tat n how come leh? But i dun blame her for all this also.. lolx.. Not her fault wat, it is me myself wanna think so much rite? i could have simply enjoy my life without thinking all this, hack care everything n just continue with wat i have, but somehow another i cannot, dun ask me y, i really cannot, i just dun wanna regret wat i do, i dun wan later i do something, den i regret i nv make an effort to do so in the past. haha.. maybe i think too much le ba. Maybe we r just like tat ba. i asked myself to go for it 1 more time, but it was kind of cold when i speak up so many thing. i received nothing, really nothing, none of my question was ans but only thing i got is to tell her how i feel..lolx.. Nah i dunnoe wat she wan ba, she feel better keeping thing to herself ma.. yeah so i guess i just have to do wat she feel ba..haha.. maybe i m assuming thing ba. wat i can say is, it feel much more better to drop a few tear rather den keep it inside.. haz.. i hope the chapter is not closed yet.. Forget it, once a person wan to avoid thing, they will always avoid no matter wat. i just have to run away!!

2006-10-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

BluRY!!

Oh my.. it has being a week since i last blog.. Lolx.. Well, finally today can online le..kekeke, the pass few days, i reach home kind of late 2 n bro was using the come. seem to be bz cause there seem to be alot of thing happening..lolx. Yeah, Sch was kind of slack man, where u everyday sit there n stone. but i guess nxt week will be kind of diff.ha

Oh 1 month had pass. N nothing seem to be improved. There is still nothing between us. Yesterday just went out with her n we happen to bum in to a few of our frenz. lolx. firstly we bum into The GUY who like Sharolene, den he told us tat she was somewhere around marina 2, so we called up her n met her at esplanade, together with ERIC!!!! haha. we walk around esplanade n decided to go back to marina to shop, as we were about to leave marina, guess who we bum into!!! CALVIN n CHERYL.. Lolx So heng rite? den he told us Kuma n libing is some where around here also..lolx Rach ended up calling bing n they were at bugis. chey, it seem like a family gathering sia. kekeke.. So as usual i sent her back to her house n leave, haiz. nothing much to say about it also. she told me she was happy today, n well i m happy cos of it. Den jem call me to met for supper together with cheryl ngian.. Jem was driving lorry so we went to yishun to eat Nasi Lemak. forgot the address but the food was nice.. The Chicken wing was like shiok sia..lolx.. Still cannot forget the taste man.

Today was kind of bored.. All the way i was doing housework n housework n house work.. Nothing much ba.lolx.. Haiz wished to say something but nah, better to keep it to myself den say out. Yeahz nitez zzzz CHUBBY when will u talk? haiz

2006-09-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

Am i gonna be like the tree hanging at mountain top,

Staying there just like tat,

Should i just let the leaves turn dry,

N let nature take it course

2006-09-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

Confuse part 2!

Saturday was a wonderful nite for me, i did have fun, laughter n joy. after so many days, but when the nite come, everything is like back to normal. I keep asking myself some question n i find tat i could not ans but i m so confuse, i dunnoe wat the other party thinking, i nv get to no3. nvm. although i really wish to no3 but somehow there seem to be certain thing tat when a person dun wish to say, they will not tell u. so yeah, Pls tell me can? Nvm i dun think u will say till something happen ba. Kind of sianz, tml start sch le. project up n after tat NS here i come.. lolx.. i guess all of us received the letter le ba. Omg i cannot imagine i goin in so sooN!!! lolx.. My sching life gonna end like in a few month.. wah den i got more GAY buddy.. lolx. cool. I hate talkin to wall, the wall always dun reply 1.. Z_z Bottom up all the feeling will just make u worst n u will break down eventually. I m so confuse!!! can some 1 direct me? lolx..

2006-09-21T23:49:00.000+08:00

Confuse?

Well well, there is just some many thing to i wanna say, but some how everything seem to be a blank when i wanna blog.. lolx.. Nah nvm i will just cut it short n sweet. My blog today will be a apologising for the thing tat i had done n hope u pple will forgive me.

Yeah, i will like to apologise for the bad behave tat i use to have in the pass, the lazyness in me, the proud in me, the attitude tat i gave pple, the words tat r so hurtful to pple tat it sound like a joke to u n me, the kind of treatment i give pple etc. there is just too many tat i forgotten. I learn to understand thing differently now, maybe u will say *r u okie? r u sure not? u sound weird today*, well wat i can say is tat i feel it for myself ba, i seen to wan a diff kind of thing in my life, the kind of feeling like a new born kid. Yeah. As i say it will be a short 1, so Thanx pple for reading n Thanx for the forgiveness.

2006-09-20T12:55:00.000+08:00

Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a twoel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came Up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before you boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, form a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to your for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too muchof youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in yourcharacter. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself overthe wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you alugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing buy a boy - a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

I hope u guys learn something from this article. Tc. thanx for reading

2006-09-19T19:14:00.000+08:00

What is Love?

Hmm can any1 tell me wat is love? does love ever exist? or should i put it, in another way..haha.. Is love 4ever? or maybe just a short term? or maybe it is just a nicer word to use? so many question, so many way of ans.. lolx.

Well, for me.. hmmm does love exist? i would say yes n no.. Why yeS? because starting of the relationship, u will tend to love 1 another, be sweet, nice, lovely, do alot of stupid thing for the sake of it. Yeah, n as time passes by, thing seem to be changing, is it love start to fade? hmmm no i guess, it is us, cause we r too used to the person living beside us, as in every action n behavior they do also affect us. We will like miss the person for a particular stuff tat they do. We r all human, emotion affect us when something bad happen to your partner. Suddenly the person whom u love, seem to be gone, the emotion affect wat ever u do, (slp, eat etc). Den when such a thing happen, ask yourself this question ( Do i still love her, or does she still love me?), is there any more love in us? hmmm.. as for me (depend on the girl, not all the girls), it is like losing a life time partner, a partner tat i feel comfortable with, able to talk 2, share emo, able to tolerate me, able to bring smile, tears and even make me piss off. Not every1 is able to do so, u really need those kind of feeling n telepathy tat both of u have. Got into 7 relationship, all of it seem to be the same, yeah, kind of u no3, startin was sweet den end up with nothing in the end. yeah did learn stuff from it n every failure is a learning stuff to me. N yesh, why i say love does not exist because maybe u just need a person to be there for u ba, till old. lolx sound abit lame la, but look around u den u will no3. I happen to saw 1 old grandpa n grandma still holding hand together, they look like 70plus. So loving rite?

So what do we wan? I dunnoe, diff pple got diff thinking n some may not even agree with wat i say. well, there is no right there is no wrong in all this kind of thing. My uncle once told me this ( i m rich, i can simply just hook 1 girl now, but NO, it is the responsibilty tat i have, i m married n have a child, u need to be responsible in every action u do. God give us blessing) . After hearing it, it just make me flash back of my childhood memories ba. So many thing happen when i was young, just because he has not responsible for wat he is doing. haiz.. dunnoe how is he living, how his life n health, hopefully nothing wrong with him, mayb God bless him.

I happen to bump into 1 old frenz(No name to be said), n the life the person is living now seem miserable, wat every the person is doing, the person seem to be praying for miracle. Dunnoe wat wrong with it, properly the person is just living in the shadow of the past ba, wat the person is doing is just drinking everyday, dun drink water n nv had a proper meal. I dunnoe how to help, or maybe i should just leave it alone. I feel it is part of my fault for the person to become like tat, maybe the inpact is just too big, everything seem to be screwed up. I got no comments. Hope u r okie, hope u r fine, Pls be back like wat u use to be.. Tc denz

2006-09-18T19:58:00.000+08:00

Just Feel U

Had a dream of u yesterday nite

Love Chubby Chubby

Miss Chubby

2006-09-17T15:27:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Rachel. =)

Yeah, it her bday today. 17 sep, a day to remember..for me la..lolx.. Oh yeah, yesterday did went out with her to celebrate with her, as i promised. Nothing much to talk about us..hee.. Oh, the last time i blog was like thursday.lolx.. did not no3 time fly so fast, hahaa. Yeah.. Haiz. i have heard so much sad story around cycle of my frenz, so many thing happening to them, yet all of them r just waiting for an ans. Wat can i say? how can i help them? Being in the same shoes as them, i only can advice them here n there, the end of the day, they themselves have to pull it thru. Look on the bright side of life, Be positive in life, dun keep telling yourself ( I cannot la), NO, u must tell yourself (YES i can, I will do it, i will make it), even if it fail... SO wat? At least u no3 u try, u no3 u done your best, at least u have no regret at all, WAKE UP from the failure tat just bring u down. Learn thing, learn from your mistake, learn y u fail? did u do something wrong this time? U cannot change people in life, u can nv, no point changing people u love in life, they r wat they r, U yourself can only change yourself, change yourself to a better person.

Being single for 2 week, i did change my lifestyle, the tot of comin online just make me feel as a waste of time? not really true la, i just wanna on my com n listen some music n chat abit here n there, u may ask ( how about gaming?), tat for question, i dun game as much as i do last time, there seem to be more thing i can do other den just sitting infront of the com n game, without learning anything at the end of the day. I really wish to learn at least 1 thing a day, no matter wat it is la. Talk to people who r older den u, higher post den u, u can learn alot of thing from them, apart from the proud tone they have la. suddenly i feel time seem to be running out. lolx, so many thing to learn. Headache!!!

About Relationship, wat can i say? At this age now, for those who dun have a relationship, well it is better for u to try, really. Learn thing from there, it does not mean who ever u go with now will be your lifetime partner, it may be also. For those who just broke up, look on the bright side, think y your relationship does not work out n improve on it on the next time, some break up may be a good "slap" ( not very nice to put such a word in it) or a wake up idea for yourself, yeah. Some time it may not be the right time for u n her to be together, u guys may even be together in the future. Dun just because of the relationship affect u with your life, Your mind is the 1 controling everything, there4 your mind has to be strong in knowing wat to do. The most important thing is your health. Die die must take care of your own health first. Dun really no3 wat to say le, the passion not here suddenly, cause i just went out to help my mother buy stuff n come back n rite,zzzz so i guess the drive of writing has gone~~ lolx..

Oh yeah Happy birthday RACHEL YIP LI TING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feel like slapping me? too bad u cannot.. =) Cya soon

2006-09-14T10:03:00.000+08:00

Morning..Thursday morning..Yawnz..

Wat a dream i had, Slp @ 2am n woke up at 7.30am.. I saw her in my dream, i seem so real, den suddenly i feel so lonely again..zzz..hate this kind of feeling sia.. neh neh.. Dream tat she feed me curry chicken, her mum was there 2..lolx... Yeah, den i i went back to slp again.. N guess wat? i dream of her again..lolx.. u all mind think i m freak? but seriously leh, dunnoe y keep appearing ba, lolx. maybe cause i think of her too much le ba den will keep appearing..Lolx.. Okie nvm. half way thru my 3rd slp, my spons call me... suppose to have a meeting at 12, he call me at 9.15.. wth.. Arh, there goes my slp... cannot get back to slp le, cause it is time to prepare for the meeting sia, feel so tired, damn it... HeartAche!!!!! lolx.. long day man, at nite have to help mother... Z_z can only come online around 11 plus or 12..lolx

What every u do? Pls Be remember to be careful, your mother is very worries for u. Shower more care n concern to her, speak nicely. That the only thing i can ask from u..thanx

2006-09-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

The Resultz....

It was a hot topic in the morning n afternoon, until like 2pm den the conversation stop..haha.We are like crapping thru just to pass time to 1.30pm den our result is out, worst of all they delayed the time to like a few min lor.. scary..haha.. No worries to my result man, as u can se i m so hard working n so smart.. how can i feeel? rite? well, my gpa was like 2.982.. wth lor, they cannot just give me 3 to plea me? lolx.. okie nvm about it.. after getting result, all of us start thinking, more like panic u no3, *can we enter uni* to be honest, some of us cannot, as for me? i still got a little hope ba, my FYP 34 Credit, so if i can score tat, can pull me up to 3.4? it stand a chance for me. Suddenly i feel like studying Uni, dunnoe y.. Seem to have the urge, maybe the pple around me ba..haha.. Well tat is a good start..hee

The Emotional Part..Nite time..

When the sky start to turn dark, when the sun start to set, i seem to be a diff person..lolx.. This may be the last time i m saying this.. To my Frenz, u no3 who u r.. *to all the girls out there* Learn to be smart, learn to do the rite thing, dun be fool by just the cover n do thing stupidly, see wat u wan, guys r guys, all the same, all out there for 1 aim, some may not some maybe, when u enter a relationship, learn to see thing first, first 3 month is just honey mood, follow by 6month n 1 year.. when 1 year come thing seem to be diff, thing change, pple change, time change. Learn from the mistake u have recover, learn to stand up when u r down, learn to love yourself more, dun be too honest to your partner, sometime u may not no3 the other party well, they may make use of this to hurt u or harm u in return. not every1 is trustable.

Look at thing carefully.. U really have to, u r old enough to think for yourself. Take care of yourself, your mother 2, she is old le, talk to your sis more , she is a better advicer plus a person u can trust. She see thing more den u do. Dun show your temper so much, cool down at time, take a deep breath, in n out for 1 min to cool down. it works. Oh yeah take care of your health, Be smart. I guess u still dun have the courage to talk to me still, avoiding is wat u choose. Well, i dun hate u nor blame u nor accuse u for anything. It is your life!!! Wat i can say is thanx, thanx for this big slap tat wake me up, really, although it is a hurting slap, but yeah. i feel it is a lesson learn for me. Maybe i commited too much in this relationship le ba, i dun mean u dun commit much,haha but it just tat i put in too much hope, as a result of the outcome, i could not take it ba, 1 good thing is u break up with me, not the other way round, cause it make alot of diff.. i dun care wat others say, i dun care wat gonna happen, i only will believe n see in my own eyes. U 2, should learn to accept thing, your sister (swine, Libing,cheryl etc) they r your good frenz, they r the person u can trust n look up to, really, although their words r hard, but they mean good to u. u think i nv kana F by my own Bro b4? I did, n i wake up, i learn. U cannot just look at thing at 1 point of view. Wat i can say is, the sista out there r good.. they know u well, although at time abit kp, but ya they will be still there.. They mean good to u. Call them up n talk, maybe for now take a rest first. U r not tat ap rite? haha.. chill man..

For me? i still treat u as a frenz, a close 1 indeed, if u have any problem or wan some 1 to talk to, feel free to call, it okie with me.. I dunnoe u will still treat me as a frenz not, cause from wat i sms u so much, u dun seem to reply dun seem to ans.. It okie, i get your ans, i get wat u mean. Sry for bothering u..Feel like crying, but cannot sia..lolx.. tear r inside my heart. F the throat n stomach, it seem to be killing me.. Guess i need to stop smoking le..lolx.. Be careful, tat all i can say to u.. Hope u read this well..I guess there is nothing more for me to say le ba.. later u complain i naggy? lolx.. yeah.. The 9 long sms i sent u, plus the email i sent u, i mean it.. Believe in yourself, use your heart n brain to think, think which 1 u should use at time n which not to use.. dun always think the whole world r against u.. think how u can make the whole world happy? i think i talk too much le ba.. GONE- (may not post le) lolx.. shockinG?

2006-09-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

Izzit a Trend now?

haiz, wat can i say.. pple around me r so emo nowaday. got a couple of good frenz, their relationship just ended, 1 still can tell me (u no3 wat not? my whole class all breakup with gf le lolx) zzzz... What wrong with every 1? tat include myself 2..Z_z oh yeah, saw a frenz nick, (can some1 tell me how to get her out of my head) i would like to say something about this frenz of my, he is quiet as usual, he has a cool face and attitude face indeed, but deep inside he is a kind soul, he dunnoe how to express his feeling to her, cause he nv being to a relationship b4, i dunnoe how the girl feel, i dun think she is playing with him. Yeah dude, forgetting 1 person is hard, but u no3 u can always be her guardian angel even both of u cannot be together, this may sound dramatic la, but it is true. Wait till thing happen den we speak out the truth, it is always like tat de. Damn it tml result is out, to be honest i m not afraid of the outcome, if i pass all, i m goin to bugis to pray with frenz. not really pray ba, more like pay a visit to the temple. 1.30pm.. i guess it will be flooded with pple, r u pple having slpless nite? lolx.. Tat all folk.. it is only 9.40pm.. Wat a day...

2006-09-12T14:15:00.000+08:00

Morning!!

ARH!!! damn it so tired, woke up so early just to have High tea with my mother frenz.. Z_z well the daughter is so cute. haha her name is Nichang.. When she smell, she is able to melt your heart, i bet she will be very pretty in the future..kekeke.. seening my mother so happy just make me so sad, cause both nichang n the mother is leaving SG nxt week, my mother work for them for 7 year already. She love nichang alot, cause everytime when she work, she tend to sick to my mother instead of the own mother, wan her to carry around n play with her, feed her etc. Somehow i feel tat my mother will be very sad, it is like every 7 year 1 new family come n the other 1 go. Haha.. We order alot n yeah i almost cannot finish, feel like puking..lolx.. just got home only. kind of tired. kind of miss her.. Well i dream on her yesterday nite, we were at a shop and she was eating cake, i asked her alot of stuff, and she nv ans me.. i seem to be the pestering her about question..lolx yeah.. Here r 2 photo i took.. this is how Nichang look...Kawaiyi..

She is cute rite? Miss this kid 2 man..

2006-09-11T22:42:00.000+08:00

What a nite..

It first started out with a blue morning.. N ended up with a sad n hurting nite..

The day was fine, watching tv with grandma, she was telling me the story n so & so.. i did some work out n till like 5plus when kuma call for dinner.. It has being a long time since we come katong, well i guess more pple no3 wat katong is favour for rite? Laksha lor... Yeah we sit down n talk n eat, Damn it, as usual i was late, n i have to pay for their meal..zZzzZZz.. Nvm it okie.. Den we head down to Parkway, wanted to play a pool but mok dun wanna, so we end up doing nothing, basically was just walking around. As we walk, suddenly something hit my mind, a song, it is a song tat i n her heard during the train ride, damn it i wanted to type it out but somehow i forgotten,fuck.. yeah, suddenly picture start to flash up, it was like the moment i n her in the train n wat happen during tat day. I Miss Her, i gotta admit. My mood was like 360degree change, changing to some1 very quiet. I dunnoe how is she, i dunnoe how is she doing,
whether is she fine?
is she having stress still?
did she skip her lunch cause her work was too bz?
did she cried because she left me?
did she regret?
is there any chances for us?
is she still having glastric?
will she still smile?
has she tot of me?
has she miss me?
does she still love me?
wat i m i now in her heart?
does her heartbreak?
hows her sch work?
did she study? cause her exam r next week!

So many thing yet i have no ans to it. I could not stop thinking suddenly. i feel so blank, IMF is here, she must be bz. Tml she is sching. My world still have her. wat can i do? I feel so cold, so lonely suddenly, no mood to do anything, feel like calling her n ask her all those question. This hr she is asleep, tml she has work. so better not disturb. MSN is down. Sunday is her bday. i really hate this feeling, it being a long time ever since i have this feeling, it was like 4 year ago since i hate this feeling, but this time is much more diff, the pain is like losing some1 in the world, it is like tat some 1 is gone n u have got no chance to see her. The more u wanna protect her, the worst u get, cause u end up hurting yourself the most. Pple say move on, yeah true, but when it is your turn, it is hard to move on. I guess it is another slpless nite again.

I hope u r fine. Tell me the truth when the time come, i just wanna no3 it. Just so many thing happen, 1 after another. Take care of yourself, do see a doctor if u r not well, u r not as strong as u think, med may be bitter but it will help as time goes by. How your mum? is she still fine? haiz..sigh.. Look on the bright side henry!!!! Z_z bored, omg my throat was like f, n i still smoke.. zzzz.. The pain in the throat is nothing to the heart.. SIGH.......................................... Feel much more better after blogging... yeah... Cya denz..

DO U NO3 I M VERY WORRY ABOUT U... MISSES U MAN, E HUG, THE 1 LINE SMILE, THE ROUND N CUBBY SIDE OF U, JUST ANYTHING. SRY, I REALISE MY MISTAKE, MY MISTAKE OF GIVING U EMPTY PROMISES, PROMISES TAT I BROKE, PROMISES TAT NV SEEN TO BE APPEARING. I M JUST A LIAR... BUT I NV LIAR TO U THIS, MY FEELING FOR U R TRUE, N YEAH TILL U DROP ME. WHICH I DUN THINK U HAVE!! R U WAITING FOR ME? SIGH............................................

2006-09-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

Just For You.

The night fall, the pain crawl, the missing pieces in me, is still unsolve..
The day shine, the loneliness fly, dreams are all a lie..
Day goes by, my tears run dry, how m i suppose to survive.
Time fly, like a butterfly, it sybolize our life.
Our love life, is so hard to find, truth are offen a lie.
I choose to believe in your eye, no matter wat other imply.
Hiding the truth is never right, i wish we never had a fight.
Dreaming of u make me cried, lighting another stick is my choice.
Tears glow, as the wind flow, how m i gonna end this blow.
Love is blind, so m i, blinded by u which i dun mind.

Here is another 1 from my beloved sis (Tess - http://tiototo.blogspot.com/)

2006-09-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

Tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haiz, so tired today, slept at 5.30am n wake up at 12noon just to eat breakfast, erm could not really slp man, dunnoe why also... Wah toay damn bz sia, zzzz.. all the way i was helping my mother, she is so demanding...LOLx, kidding la she is not..
At first she ask me to cut the veg, follow by wash the veg, den follow by washing den fans and the last was to cook the dinner..LOL.. omg i was ZzzzzZz.. nah it okie to help her n i love to help her..lolx but after cooking the dinner i went to take a short nap, n woke up around 6plus n gone for dinner, leaving my com on... N now watching tv.. so bored

Arh! wanted to post alot of shit but somehow lost the mood man..lolx.. Oh yeah.. 3 more days to go b4 my result is out.. omg i really hate tat man. hopefully can score a GPA of 3..Lolx tat is like dreaming la.. arh damn, suddenly feel so bored, feel like calling some 1 up to talk cock, feel like slping.

Something seem to be wrong here, my throat seem to be giving me problem, since yesterday, something like stuck in my throat, izzit cause i smoke too much? lolx i feel pain when i swallow my saliva.. damn it dunnoe wat up the throat man..lolx

Suddenly time seem to be so short, no longer the long hr n so. I dunnoe y i feel tat way, there seem to be so many thing for me to do, n i just started doing.. Monday blue n tml it is. 2 week more n i will start sch. cannot wait for tat to happen, to keep myself bz..

2006-09-10T01:09:00.000+08:00

Izzit a GAY nite? or A lonely bro nite?

hahaha..it started like tat... Jem call me n told me he is BORED...n i asked him y r u so bored? nv call michelle?

Jem said " Nah we just had a misunderstand, r u free? let go for dinner"

Hen said " of cos free la, single not free den wat? rot huh? lolx"

so we met up at bugis n had our batuk teh ( i hope i nv spell wrongly), well it was nice, the soup the meat n most of all the Yu tiao..hahaha.. After a meal, a smoke is always needed.. hee.. nothing new.

Jem said "sianz leh, where u wanna go? i feel like goin sheeesha..."

Hen said " anything la, i also bored, i dun mind sheesha also leh"

Jem said " arh bo let go watch movie la. have u watch little man?"

Hen said " wah u sure? like gay leh we all? gay nite tonite huh? lolx.. anything lor"

so we decided to catch a movie n THANX to my idea, we walked from bugis to CAthay..Lolx..

Jem said " cb la, we missed the show like 10min ago?"

Hen said " fuck la jem, who ask u so fat walk so slow, still complain, smoke some more la."

Jem said " u Kp some more. thanx to u we walked so far n i m fucking perspiring.."

Hen said " Lolx "

so we decided to walk to ps to see. but GOD no3, we r so unlucky, all the ticket avialable is like 11.40 or 1plus.. At tat time it was like 10pm.. so we r kind of stuck there.

Jem said "Nb let go starbuck see got kopi to drink not"

Hahahaha... really freaking sua, starbuck was full n the worst part is we could not find the smoking table..zzzz.. so we ended up talking cock at the some kuku place.. i was wearing half format, n he was wearing like long plus pants.. so pple tend to misunderstood us as "Ah beng"
Jem told me a joke n i wish to share with u all, but i think must real life say den nicer..lolx..

Here how it goes, there is this japanese guy who went to malaysia n took a cab, as he was in the cab he was complaining all the way about how slow proton is.....

Looking at the Honda passing by the the proton. the japanese guy " See la, honda faster den proton, see japanese car so fast, unlike malaysia car"

den another toyota passed, " see another japanese car so fast, unlike this old proton, malaysia car cannot make it"

The driven kept quiet till they reach the airport.
The Japanese guy was shock at the price he have to pay for the cab fair n question the driver..
N guess wat the driver reply " this meter is from sony, very fast also"

get the jokE? i think some of u may feel cold..lolx but who cares..hahaha.. oh anyway thanx cie pple for the cab. n thanx jem... aahah enjoy talking to u man gay buddy so long nv come out like tat le..lolx.. miss u 2..tc

2006-09-09T20:16:00.000+08:00

PLS!

Pls, i dun write emo stuff just to make u all piss or crap, like i say, i only write how i feel. i saw your blog (LB) =).. i no3 how u feel, dun really need to bother about me, thanx, i m living very good, with frenz n family support yeah, life cannot be better den this. Thanx anyway....

Oh yeah, yesterday went SENTOSA...lolx nv write cause too tired man, n also my bro using the com..zzzzz.. haha, well sentosa really can help u to distress man, lolx, was having fun thru out, did think of thing ya but nothing wrong la.. Went with the CIE pple, cooL, it was hell alot of frenz, played soccer, volley ball, n capt ball.. n guess wat? i lost all the matches...LOL.. sad leh. but nvm did enjoy.. yeah!! They r ASSHOLE, they all buck up n throw me to the sea, it was like part of my bday celebration 2 ( they did video cam but i dun think i can post here).. LOl... after sentosa we head down to PS!!!!! i also dunnoe y, go there for DInnER.. zzz... we went to eat swensen!!!!!! n yeah tat really pissed me off... 1 wanted to order cra fish pasta, den tat cock aaron order 2, i decided to drop tat order n order FISh baked rice, n guess wat? diana order tat 2, worst of all, i wan to order strawberry milkshake (hmmmm) and she order milkshake 2.. ZZZZZZ forget it.. oh yeah she tot i stupid.. she was whispering to Yong qi about buying cake n yeah they bought a ice cream chocolate cookie cake for me..WHoOoHOoHOo.. and she was an asshole 2.. really 1 big time, she purposely put the happy birthday tag into the cake plus candle.. n ask me to pick it up with my mouth.. den ask u no3 when u pick it up with your MOUTH. pple tend to push your head down.. zzzzz... But the best part is when they sing the birthday song tat time, every1 around me (whom i dunnoe) started singing 2...lolx.. *so shy* hahaha THANX CIE FOLK, i love it.. haha..

Yeah den we took some photo here n there.. Aaron as usual an asshole, use my hp take his LJ bin..lolx... plus he took diana n cheryl photo 2 using my hp. n set as wallpaper.. -.-" nvm tat wallpaper really make me smile, cause both of them smile seem so fake, my brother saw the photo n say Y tat cheryl so fat. oPs.. hahahaha.. lucky i nv give her my blog, if not she chop me.. haha.. N my bro say diana pretty...Lolx.. Crap man he.. It was a fun trip n nice dinner, they entertained my day, if not i dunnoe how to spent my time... haha, suppose to meet a frenz to have dinner today, but yeah saying tired n dun wanna meet n i asking can accompany me, dunnoe izzit any excuse or wat. asking about whether is it avoiding thing? there seem to be no reply at all, i was clueless n very concern about it. but yes so wat if i m, if my tat frenz dun bother. haha.. Goin to same same ( a.k.a Jem) for dinner at bugis, oh yeah pple calvin left Sg le, went for a holiday, haha, tat lazy kuma ask him come down say he tired wan ask to go his place.. kns.. wah lol my mp3 suddenly play this song, drive my self crazy... Lolx.. nice song.. waiting for the song to finish b4 i end this..lolx..

I lie awake. I drive myself crazy. Drive myself crazy Thinking of you. Made a mistake. When I let you go baby. I drive myself crazy. Wanting you the way that I do.
Oh anyone wanan go K-box? pm me or call me.. i wanna go sia.. lolx..
btw the last word i heard from my frenz was (believe me). I do..

2006-09-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

i will like to correct this, i no3 i hate u alot at tat time n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry. to ( i no3 u hate me alot at tat time ( i 2 time) n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry.

2006-09-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

One Last Time

B4 i start this, no hard feeling, no siding, no sympathy and just nothing, just heard, dun give comment, keep it to yourself. if u wanna say anything call me. I dunnoe m i rite to post this.

I find myself very irritating, i seem to keep bothering her, sms her, show her care, show concern, i seem to be missing the sms, when i receive an sms, i hope is her, chances r 50 -50. Although i tell myself, i cannot sms, no i cannot, dun disturb pple, pple is working. nevertheless i still did, i just wanna no3 is she okie? everything is fine, anything goes wrong in work, anybody disturb u n her health, yeah tat all i wanna no3. Well she did reply, which make me wanna sms more. ha.. We remain as good frenz, we did contact. if u r reading this, U r not hurting me so dun get the wrong idea. I m just hurting myself, cause i m the 1 who cannot give up. it is not your fault n STOP BLAMING yourself for all the fault u make, every1 make mistake, so did i, i hate my ugly pass and the silly,stupidly fuck up thing i did to u ( i dare to admit i 2 time cause i m stupid), i really hate myself for tat, i told myself not to do so, cause i dun wanna follow my fuck up father foot step, he smsed me on my bday, n i nv replied him at all. i dun wanna replied cause i m afraid tat the more he speak to me about himself n how he is suffering the more i will be softhearted toward him. i no3 i hate u alot at tat time n it is very hard for u to overcome it. Sry.

I m saying again i m not trying to get sympathy or anything. i just wanna express this last feeling n tat all. no more emo thing le ba. it make me feel better by expressing it, i m still getting myself up. dun need to tell me how u feel, if not i will regret. All the memories seem to flashing back now, each photo just tell how lovely we r b4, each has it own meaning and name for it. i will not deleted it n will be stored. I just wanna thanx u for everything u have done for me, our 1 year dinner, the food tat u cook, the stuff tat u make, watever u did, bite me, beat me, pitch me.. yeah basically just everything, thanx.. N i hope u will forgive me for the ugly side of me. i guess u no3 wat izzit. haha.. I really hate the coldness u gave me, maybe u nv realise. but i do.

how i wish i could post my chat log with aaron.. but i can't... nvm..cya pple.. Does fate play us apart? or just us? sry if i make u cry again.. i always make u cry de.. sry sry..

Photo does not lie about the happiness in us..
Whether will we be like this again, tat i dunnoe..
Take care
I love n misses u..

2006-09-07T13:06:00.000+08:00

For tat Lazy girl who wan to no3 this song n lazy to find the Lyrics...........

"Where Are You"(feat. Justin Roman)
(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)There is someone out there for me (I know there is somebody out there)I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah) can you tell me her name? (Somebody tell me her name)This life-long search is gonna drive me insaneHow does she laugh? How does she cry? What's the color of her eyes?Does she even realize I'm here?Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

Natalie]
I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)Praying that he will walk in my lifeWhere is the man of my dreams (right here) yea-yeahI'll wait forever, how silly it seemsHow does he laugh? How does he cry? What's the color of his eyes?Does he even realize I'm here?Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

[Justin]
There is someone out there for me (there is someone out there for me)I know she is waiting so patiently (so patient)Can you tell me her name (can you tell me his name)This life-long search is gonna drive me insane (that's right)

[Natalie]How does he laugh? How does he cry? What is the color of his eyes?Does he even realize I'm here?

[Justin]Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?

[Natalie]Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

[Justin Talking]Where are you?? I'm going to look all over the world baby'Cuz I know you are out thereI know this might sound crazy, but I think I love youdadadadadada (that's right) dadadada dadadadadadadadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

2006-09-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

Birthday Celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahaha.. yeah.. ops yesterday i went out too late till too tired to write any blog, i no3 u guy r waiting for my blog..hoHo.. Oh ya, yesterday afternoon, i went out with this girl, she asked me out to celebrate my bday, so sweet of her, hahaha.. yeah we went to resturant to eat n guess wat she treated me =X.. feel so ps girl treating guy..hahaha, goin out with this girl, help me to eradicate my feeling. wanted to catch a movie with her, but there dun seem to be a nice movie at all so we decided to go acrade to distress..wahahaha..After tat, we went to esplanade to take a stroll.

She told me, (My frenz dun not believe me, they think tat i broke up with my bf cause of another guy, cause now i m working, those guy out there are rich n can effort anything, so wat, i dun even wanna no3 them, i no3 they are flirt, married man n wat they wan in me. i no3 who is good who is bad. But i m just hurt tat my BEST fren saying such a thing to me, make me feel like as thou i m a slut or bitch, cannot they understand how i feel, y i choose to leave him, y m i doing this, i m not trying to act noble or anything, i feel by doing this he will realise something. I dunnoe who to trust now, my close sister r all like tat, i dun have a listening ear, i wanan express my feeling but i can't, i feel very hurt to heard words from pple cause tat not wat i m really m.) From wat i heard from her, and her expression, i can see tear coming out of her eyes as she talk, but she seem to be controlling her tears. Even as a frenz point of view, i understand how she feel n believe in her.

Conclusion!!!!!!! Pple tend to pass down the wrong message thru words, 1 after another. Tat normal. but if some1 is really your good frenz or your buddy buddy, i m not saying u must choose to believe them, listen to them, no matter wat went wrong,no matter who is in the wrong, tell them wat wrong n wat rite, give them your opinion (even u heard thing from pple). the most impt thing is control your TONE, dun shout dun fierce, just be who u r when u all talk, dun accuse thing dun assume thing. yeah tat all i wanna say. i hope tat frenz of my is okie, i pray her frenz understand her and no3 wat she is doing instead of assuming stuff, i also hope she is able to express more toward her frenz instead of keeping it in the dark.

Well girl, time will tell whether wat u doing is worth it. Maybe fate play u n him apart, maybe both of have to go thru thing b4 both of u can be together. well i hope u r okie and dun think so much, u r a good girl, your name will be clear soon. haha.. Oh yeah, 1 more thing, thanx for the bday man, i really love it..shhh dun tell other pple about my express when we talk..haha.. Meet up soon, maybe by den thing r back on track. cya. tc enjoy your DND tonite.. pretty girl..!!! Hugz

2006-09-06T12:26:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAA.....

Ops... finally i found the sound i waited for 1 week? lolx.. old song i guess. yes it is playing in my blog now..Hoho.. thanx to ben who drove me out den the song was playing on air, and dom for helping me to dl..hoHo.. Oh ya, thanx ben for the slap, although both of us did get a slap..LOL.. but really thanx alot, u enlighten me with words, but some of yours words does not apply, yeah u have to correct it. well diff pple have diff view, diff pple have diff way of working thru their life, yours is unique haha.. oh btw, u really have change alot gay buddy, u seem like a diff person i no3, really, i m happy u can think this way. i use to slap u with words, words tat i do mean it but i nv take an effort to do, like u say, wat the point of saying when u nv do, hey dun have to shout when talking to me, talk nicely, hahaha. i bet u must be cursing n swearing now.... ihahaha. anyway yesterday was spooky, i felt something around me, yeah, u must be thinking &#$# y must u tell me ..haha really sia, i was cold n something seem to be around us when u driving..LOl.. u better put something in your car sia.. really.. yeah. WhoOOohoOoo this song just rox man, b4 this song was What m i to u, no more emo song, no more blog, i guess so..hahaha.. cheerr it is my bday, those who haven wish me better sms me b4 12...hahaha

2006-09-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

She Just Make Me Smile. It has being 5 days n counting.

Oh sry about the emo part yesterday, yesterday was kind of down man, went to suntec with kuma calvin cheryl n mok, as we were eating at Fish & Co, this song played 3 time, i dunnoe which asshole delicated tat song, but it was nice, all the song they play were so emo, especially song from 98.7fm.. I guess all of u r guess the song ba, (Bad day) that the song, really not my day man.. haha

Was writing the blog yesterday till like 1plus 2, yeah, den i felt asleep. Maybe i was thinking too much, maybe i m not, suddenly i woke up at 5 am, den i rush to close all the window cause it is raining very heavy. den suddenly something strike my mind, she is coming down to work n it is raining so heavly will she catch a colD? so i hurry sms her and was waiting for her reply, and YES, lolx she did reply and we talk so much.. wee.. suddenly i start coughing den my mother ask me, did u smoke again? lolx i say ya abit la.. den she was like pssstz... ops make her worried again..lolx.. some 1 is also worried 2, haha..

I could not slp, maybe it is due to the cough ba, so i decided to just keep smsing, as i sms i feel like blogging, this sound crazy this is the first time i blog n i m so crazy over it, i feel i m able to express myself here ba, haha, i also can express myself outside 2. Yeah i started my day with a smile in my heart, den i felt asleep at 8 n woke up at 11. i went to see a doctor, something wrong with my stomach,haha, doctor nv say anything, just ask me dun so emo n dun eat..LOL.. but yeah nothing much la.

It was 1pm, i was late for the meeting, suppose to meet my grp member at 12noon at bugis to do our FYP, haha, target for fyp, i set to go to the media, com'on Old sCh we can do it.. haha. I will bring my team up. Well i think they need me, haha, cause b4 i come they only write abit only, den once i come, all kind of idea also come out le, tat just show tat with a good leader around, have no fear.haha yeah.. i guess there is a long way more, i have to wait for Jack our spons to come back from russia, he seem so freaking bz. lolx. we actually dun really no3 wat he wan. so we have to wait n see..haha.

After the meeting, we went to shop, shop for kyle present. yeah cause his japanese fernz came over n he wanna get something for them. haha all of them in the grp no3 wat happen to me, cause kyle accidently something about her, so i just say we broke up, every1 is in shock!! i told them wat happen and they just keep quiet. ops accidently bring the morale down..lolx. we shop till 4.30 n all went seperate ways. i went hm as there is nothing else for me to do. haha. diana did ask me follow her, but i told her u with all your girl frenz and i will be left out, so i decided not go. she was just concern, yeah no double meaning or reason, so dun get the wrong idea.

Ah lian ah lian, suddenly call me, hey go cut hair together. lolx. he all the way from pasir ris come down just to cut hair..lolx. cool huh, so i went to cut my hair too, wah look so short now, much more handsome i guess.lolx. Oh guys, tml is my bday, all of u no3 rite? den u all no3 wat to do rite? hahaha. where my present? Well, i guess my best present this year is the ADIDAS watch. ops, i think my bro gonna get angry, he will sure say so my SUPERMAN boxer not nice la..lolx..

2 hr more n my bday will come, i dunnoe why she still love to avoid question i ask, sry for keep asking, if u dun wanna ans is okie. but dun show ap k? i no3 my words also not very nice, yeah sry about tat man..haha. Tml will be a brand new day, although we have gone diff way n remain as frenz.

Just wanna tell u this, u say i rely on u too much, but i just got 1 thing to tell u, i won the pdd2 ($500) not for u, it is for my own n my grp, cause we r the underdog, i just wanna let u see i have the ability to do so. saying about i rely on u, i find tat u rely on me 2. can u over come tat? or cause u scare u rely on me too much n u cannot let go, tat y u give up first. i still dunnoe wat u really wanna. will time prove us something? The feeling of losing some1 just make me ache. okie enough of the emo crap, i wanna turn myself to pretty boy look..lolx.. can i? i will give it a try..hahaha yeah.. wish me happy bday and all the best. maybe i will post 1 at late nite? haha ben wanna meet me, my gay buddy.hahaaha.. or wait for tml for more news...muack cya pple.. thanx.

2006-09-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

wee it my bday..thanx pple.. thanx sp pple for smsing me n yeah all the encouragement, thanx my st pats bro for all the effort u pple make at the BBQ, although something happen but yeah i love it.. Well i just cut my cake n i m 20 this year.. need to think alot more, yes 20 no more teen man..hahaha..

Ops i was touch by my family warming cake n i cry again..hahahaha... yeah. the cake was nice n yupz the celebration was warm although there is only like 4 of us..haha.. LOVE U MUM, LOVE U BRO, LOVE U SIS always... Nite pple.. i m goin out.. hahah tc..

2006-09-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

It has being 3 days.. 3 days just pass this way.. My relationship with her just ended like tat.. I cannot face it, really i cannot. It very hard for me to even stand up now. i know my bro, frenz and family out there r supporting me. i dun wish to disappoint them or even see in me in this stat. I really hate it. I m really sry guys and thanx for everything, u guys do all kind of crap just to make me smile. I really appreciate it alot. But when Nite come, my mood seem to be diff, i m lost again, i dunnoe wat to do, i no3 i need to bring myself up but i really need time.

I guess i have fallen too deep this time. All my hope and dream seem to be shattered. I seem lost, i could not find my soul, cause my soul is stolen. My heart seem to be in broken pieces, i dunnoe wat rite wat wrong. Everything seem to be so blank? Even till now. Although i have set my goal and now wat to do, i m still not sure i m able to do it. i need to over come all this. I dunnoe why,how,what wrong with the both of us. Everything seem so fine, till friday. I could not slp, eat or do anything, all i can do is just smoke. The pain in my heart just so strong, my mind just keep flashing n flashing of the past thing we did. Everywhere i go there is a memory of me and her, i dunnoe wat to do, i dun wanna step out of the house, i really dun wanna. Marina has the most memories of all. None of the food i eat taste as nice as b4, i know i need to eat but everytime i eat i seem to be vomiting it out after a few min. wat wrong with me? can any1 tell me? do i need to see a doctor?

She does not wan to give me the real reason, i dunnoe y 2. But i choose to believe her, i believe in wat she say, wat she do. U all may say i stupid, but i no3 wat i m doing. I m writing this not to get her to pity me or wat. i just wanna write out how i feel, everytime i tell pple how i feel, i could not control myself to tear out. When will my tear dry up? i dunnoe it is hard to ans.

I was thinking wat m i gonna do on saturday? I m too use to the sticky lovely rachel on my side, saturday is the only moment i spent with her till nite, although the journey home was long, but who care, i enjoy sending her back. Beside saturday, tuesday nite friday nite, we r suppose to have dinner together and i will sent her to sch. But now.. All is gone! gone! nothing have left. only me myself and i. I miss her smile (her eyes will be very small like 1 striaght line and 2 front teeth). I miss everything in her. She told me she is doing this for my own good, but why must we be so drama? why? can i really live without her? or should i try? i dunnoe. i hate nite time, there the time where i become more emo. alot of flash black seem to come across, i wan to slp but i cannot, cause my head just cannot stop thinking and my heart just cannot stop aching..

I m just so afraid to see saturday coming.. moreover my bday is coming, 6sep. is she gonna celebrate for me? is she? i really hope she do. can tat be my last wish? i know my bro n sis out there wanna celebrate for me, but i just 1 person, just 1 will do. i really hope time will stop on tuesday n just skip on wednesday, i just have a feeling she will not celebrate with me, is not cause she dun wanna celebrate with me, cause she is afraid to see me, the down side of me, the ugly side of me. It is already 12 now. 1 more day to my bday.. i realy afraid to see the outcome.
how m i suppose to slp, tml she is goin sch, m i gonna fetch her? i wan to. but i dun think she wanna, i wanna have a dinner with her. but i dunnoe she wan not. we did talk yesterday i was so happy, i no3 she is sad, i can feel it, i can feel she is crying out when she is doing this to me. i dunnoe why must she do this. i need to wake up my idea. i guess the first step i have to do is to plan for my future, the step tat i have to take. maybe i should stop gaming? ha..

Rachel, i dunnoe wat u doing is rite not? but i choose to believe in u. i will like to let u no3 tat i will achive thing for myself, and i m goin ns soon ba. maybe it is the rite time for us to leave, u dun wanna tell me your truth feeling, but i can feel u r in the same stat as me. i just feel it. u r just acting cold to me, but deep inside u dun wan to. maybe we can work thing out together without goin diff direction? but i still respect your decision. N pls stop pushing me to other people, i dun like tat. i have eyes to see wat kind of girl i need. If u need a shoulder, any1 to talk to, feel lonely or anything, feel free to call me or drop me a sms, i will be more den happy to ans. i will take care of u till u have found some1 better, den i will just walk away. dun worry about me, worried more about your health. Remember to take care wor, eat your lunch dinner n so n so.. dun later glastric.. i no3 i did sms u today. sry i should not have. maybe i should really stop smsing u.. i dunnoe how will u feel. but u seem to wanna play cold. alrite enough of all this emo thing. nite pple.. thanx for listening me crapping.. alot of spelling error ba..

One last word.. ha, I still love u, miss u, everything in u. hee hugz n kisses.